FADastic: Just Because It's Black Metal It Doesn't Mean You Have To Suck On Purpose

(image source: tumblr.com)
WARNING: This article is old, thus I was probably not too knowledgeable about... anything. It will still be kept up, feel free to gawk at how green I was. -KEITH, THE ODD

So, I've been kicking around a while and thinking of a few things to post on Dire Notes. I mean, I got a list of topics but I really want to get to the meat of some issues I personally have in music - or, in this case those that hit me by surprise like a wild fart in a crowd. Now, I know that Black Metal is one of those 'everyone gets a chance' types of genres. I mean, Black Metal is so niche that their crowds can't wait to get their hands on the next grimy budget-ridden release. And I like grimy, I like dirty, and I like mean but I do not like some of the shit I've been hearing under the guise of 'classic'.

When it comes to Black Metal, Classic is like comparing a Macbook to a Compass. You just aren't getting much of anything, that or something completely useless. There are some people out there that like things at their purest and rawest roots - the ones that like any other Hellhammer song but 'Messiah' or those who frequently talk about the importance of groups like Old Funeral. But, I'm going to tell you the nitty gritty about that right now you purists - those people had no idea how to mix and master, they had no money, no crowd, no scene, and they just flat out had no idea what they were doing. Black Metal, as a sum, was a product of chance and its forefathers have more then often admitted that they didn't know shit about anything to do with music - some of them just wanted to copy other bands, some of them just wanted to scare, some wanted to express themselves in the most blistering way possible. And, you know, a genre based on that is one I can give a little leniency to. But man, what I've heard from this little band, I'm sure Black Metal fans have heard of, called Necromantia is just... shit.

Something is up with those boobs...
(image source: kvlt.fi)
My god, at first listening to this was something of a pleasure. I've been hearing way too many high-profile bands as of late, with their fancy effort and care when it comes to production (who would have such things in music? I never heard of such sell-outs!), so I was digging the rather experimental and amateurish riffs. I mean, sure, it was bad but I still like hearing people express their ideas and enjoy it on almost any medium (I liked Cripple and Casino). However, the vocals began - giving me a sort of narration over the music rather than any attempt at real vocals. And, it just kept on. It never stopped. One song gave me nothing but narration and endless 'GWARGGEH!.' Okay, I don't want that. I don't even care what is being said. How is this even Black Metal? How is it any metal?

Now, I can't complain entirely about the release I'm mentioning as it is actually a split with Necromancy called 'A Collection Of Arcane Hexes' and I really like Necromancy. But, including the both together is almost surely going to make people like me draw up the stark differences between the two. Sure, they have similar names and Necromancy is way lower budget as well as way less talented at the mixing desk (you can literally hear the mic being hit and touched as some songs begin and end) but my god, there is so much more effort put into Necromancy that it isn't even funny. Sometimes, you can even sort of tell they were learning how to put their shit together along the way while Necromantia just does a whole lot of jack and shit. Man, its black metal - I don't even get a wild senseless scream or something? I can't help but feel that Necromantia simply didn't see the need to try simply because, hey, its Black Metal and some labels will just put out anything with a little KVLT sprayed on.

This is a shameful release, I can't even believe the vastly superior Necromancy would associate themselves with this sort of crap. Also, why the hell aren't they the first half of this split? I'll be surprised if anyone can survive the first bit to make it to the second bit. Whats worse? I now also have to put some extra time into writing a full review on Metal-Temple for this split. But, I thought you'd all like to experience my completely humble opinion on bands like Necromantia beforehand.

Now, let me go in peace before I start talking about shit like 5 Finger Death Punch.